Veterans Day is a little complicated for me. Every year, my giddy husbands scrolls the list of restaurants, diners, and coffee shops honoring Veterans with a free latte or donut. He thinks taking advantage of the discounts are both a cute way to honor me for my sacrifices, and also a hilarious way to make me blush and shift uncomfortably in my chair. Like most women in our society, we are taught to be humble and downplay our achievements. Regardless of which greasy spoon or chain coffee house we choose, as soon as we walk through the door, the assumptions begin. People’s eyes go straight to my husband—handsome, burly, the picture of what people imagine a Veteran to be—and they thank him for his service. They shake his hand, nod respectfully, all while I stand there, a pregnant woman of color, somehow invisible despite my own thirteen years of service in the Army.
People don’t expect to see a woman wearing the uniform, especially one who looks like me. I see it in their stares, the confusion on their faces, the looks that seem to say, “Her?” It can be exhausting to feel overlooked, my service unseen, as though being a woman somehow makes it less legitimate. Our experiences are different and often invisible, despite the fact that we face many of the same challenges. Women Veterans are the fastest growing demographic of Veterans and experience rates of PTSD twice as high as men. A shocking 22% of women experienced military sexual trauma during their time in service.
It’s no secret that women are underserved as Veterans. The Department of Veterans Affairs reports that only one in five feel comfortable treating at the VA hospital for services. I am a Cuban American, the daughter of immigrants who came to this country to build a life and dreamt of seeing their daughters serve and succeed. My journey as a Veteran feels layered with so much that others don’t see or think to ask about. I hope sharing this part of my story brings a bit more visibility to women like me—Veterans who’ve served, who’ve sacrificed, and who, even in moments of recognition, sometimes go unseen.
-A Female Veteran
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